Tuesday, August 30, 2005

August 30 stream of consciousness post

This damn rocket I'm currently riding in has no bathrooms. And I was, unfortunately, up late last night drinking with my old space-cadet buddies.

Not only do I have to pee really bad! I also have to take, what feels to be, a crater-sized dump.

Must think of something...Not waterfalls! Not dumptrucks! Not sprinklers! Not airplanes dropping bombs!

How bout really shitty music?

I'll just think of bands like Journey and Foreigner.

Ahhhhhh, that seems to be working.

Milli Vanilli. Vanilla Ice. 'N Sync.

Phewww. SAFE!!!

Friday, August 19, 2005

August 19, 2005

I'm, now, back on planet Earth, thanks to that very sexy alien chick Bahleebahlah.

See, after I drank that lugie-filled vile of Just Jinky's lugies, she informed me that they actually weren't her lugies. They were Bahleebahlah's lugies.

I was very confused. "But I saw you spit into it," I said.

She, then, let off a small, flirtatious laugh, and said, "See, when you were in here alone, and Bahleebahlah and I were in the kitchen getting those shot glasses, Bahleebahlah was feeling very - how you say? - horny. She turned me around and gave me a big, sloppy, wet kiss. In doing so, we, then, exchanged spit. So the spit you saw spit intto the glass actually came from Bahleebahlah."


To that, I say, "Thanks, Bahleebahlah!"

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

August 17, 2005

August 17, 2005

I'm now, thankfully, back on planet Earth, thanks to Justy Jinky.

See, after she grabbed my crotch, and said,”You’re pretty hot! Do you want to fuck!?!” , she, then, took me to her Zurpodian apartment so we could "do it".

When I was there, I decided I needed a pre-sex drink, so I asked her,"Do you have anything to drink?"

She responded by giving me a very puzzled look.

I felt that I needed to explain, "See, on planet Earth we have this very special concoction called 'alchohol'. Alchohol is special because it makes our moods totally romantic!"

She smiled, and replied and said, "We have the same sort of thing here. But instead of drinking this thing you call "alchohol", we just swap eachothers'-what you call- 'spit'."

So she went to her kitchen-like thing, and grabbed two ultra-tiny, shot-type glasses.

We faced eachother, smiled, bent our heads towards the shot-type glasses, and spit into them. When we were done, we exchanged the glasses. She immediately gulped her's up. Mine, on the other hand, had, what appeared to be, lugies in it.

Just one quick glance at it, visibly repulsed me.

"What's wrong, balleebee La [that's Zurpodian term-of-endearment, akin to the Earthling term "honey"]"

I responded, "On Earth, this stuff you spit in here is totally repulsing!"

She let out a soft laugh, and replied, "But on Zurpod, it makes you feel so romantic. I hear that it actually makes impotent men last for hours. I even heard that our king tried it. And he actually fainted because ALL of his blood went to his penis!"

So I drank it. When I did so, there was a knock on the door. The Justy Jinky looked at me, smiled, and said, "I'll be right back."

She made her way towards the door, and opened it.

Just as she opened it, the fragrance of some flower-smelling perfume wafted in. This got my attention. "Who's at the door?", I thought, and turned my head towards it.

Justy Jinky smiled at me, and introduced the woman, "This is my bestfriend Bahleebahlah." And they both let out small laughs, and began holding eachother's hand. I noticed Bahleebahlah's hand make a quick grab at Justy Jinky's ass. This made them both smile.

It made me smile too, as I sat there thinking, "I'm one lucky earthling."

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

August 16, 2005

I had a very intense night of drinking with my old college buddies last night. At three in the morning, I came home and passed out in bed. While sleeping, I had weird, drunken dreams about stuff like aliens and outer space.

I passed out here on planet Earth, and, whaddya know, soberly woke up on the far-away planet Zurgog.

Zurgog’s a very strange planet. Everything here is direct opposite from planet Earth. For example, you could walk into a bar and see tons of hot chicks just sitting there alone, by themselves. And all the men in the bar are gathered around, hitting on some immensely obese woman with - get this - a huge goiter on her neck!

I got very drunk and stupidly walked up a hot chick. I got a quick. sneaky peak at her chest, and noticed - get this – that she had THREE breasts!

“This alien chick is totally hot,” I thought. So I sat there thinking of a pick-up line. Unfortunately, all the lines I thought of were totally corny, like "Are we in a desert? My mouth is just so dry!...Maybe a wet kiss can cure that problem!?!"

Imagine my surprise when she turned to me, grabbed my crotch, and loudly said,"My name is Justy Jinky. And you’re pretty hot! Do you want to fuck!?!”