Friday, March 31, 2006

Entry Two - 3/31/02

Here's another one. It shows that Polobobo had a fondness for philosiphizing:


3/31/02
I've been thinking about how unfair childbirth is.

Men have a simple, painless - actually pleasurable - role in it. They place their penis the woman vagina, go back and forth a bit, and ejaculate.

Women, on the other hand, have the growing child inside them. It grows and grows, and after nine months, emerges, wiggling and crying, out of thier vagina.

I have a good geneticist friend who is working on making a gene that makes men bare children.

I can't wait for that!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Entry One 3-22-02

I'd thought I'd start with the an entry that was made a year ago on this date:
3-22-02

I had a pretty fun night last night. I went out partying with a zombie I went to college with. We were complaining about how this damn cotton blight is making clothing so damned expensive. Just a t-shirt is the price of diamonds.

She told be that her DIY, punk rock ethic has served her well. She doesn't have to worry about buying cotton because she raises sheep purely for thier yarn. And she uses the yarn to make all sorts of clothing. She told me that the following website taught her a lot: yarn.

She's making good money too. Yuppies everywhere are willing to fork over a lot of money for, not only handmade sweater, but for, handmade sweaters with homegrown yarn.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

March 15, 2006

Have you ever heard of ORBItron?

Didn't think so.

Well it's the street name given to a special, newly discovered mineral called Huntseegulp. Huntseegulp is only found on the far away, relatively-unknown planet Lop Lobula. And, only a few unfortunate people have had encounters with Huntseegulp [A.K.A ORBItron].

Why do I call them unfortunate? Because, thanks to ORBItron, they're now dead.

And they all experienced severe humiliation before dying.

See, ORBItron degrades the brain so much that, before you die, you experience a sort of mental retardation.

Fortunately, I have the journal of Polobobo. Polobobo was woman who was on the mission that discovered Huntseegulp. I'll try to transcribe most of the journal. However, the parts of the journal that were written right before she died are hard to decipher because they appeared to be written by a mentally challenged person.

Wednesday March 15, 2006. Secret number one.

Like I promised, I'll share some secrets that were mistakingly told to me by a U.S. government agent while I comatosed:

Secret number one:

An incredible species of aliens have been discovered on the planet, unknown to most, Blurbahoevnick.

Now, what makes these aliens so incredible is the way they bare children. It's almost the completely reverse of humans reproduction.

See, unlike Earthlings, the way Blurbahoenickans create children is very, very painful. And, still, unlike Earthlings, giving birth is very pleasurable. Birth is really, to them, as pleasurable as sex.

Now one would think that this is the perfect recipe fo overpopulation. But the pain of "sex" is so incredible that only people that really want offspring are willing to experience the pain.

Friday, March 10, 2006

March 10, 2006

I know this sounds totally fictional and made-up, but, if you've read my other blog, you'll know that I was in a coma. Even stranger, while I lay unconscious in a coma, a U.S. top secret government agent visited me.

He said that the secrets he held were getting too intense to hold anymore. So, because I was in a coma, he thought he'd tell me the secrets.

He mistakenly thought that, because I was in a coma, I couldn't hear.

Unfortunately for him, these government secrets are coming back to me. They come to me in intense dreams.

It's so intense, I feel like I have to get them off my chest. So, if you people don't mind, I'd like to share them via email.

If you don't care about U.S. government secrets, remember nobody's forcing you to read this...unless you live on planet Zinksolobby where illiteracy is very widespread and the Zinksolobbian government have people that go out and force people to read by holding an electro-zapper to thier head.

Regards,
Cullen